Why don’t I have a pet?
Well, because I don’t really want a rodent, or a bird, or an animal that is cold blooded and could mutate into something akin to Godzilla. Mind you, for a while, the idea of owning a chameleon presented certain amusing advantages. But, daydreams aside, my choice is limited to a dog or a cat.
So…why don’t I have a dog or a cat? There are some good reasons, some selfish reasons, and some downright uncomfortable, hellish reasons:
COST — Yes, canines and felines don’t grow on trees…though you can find many of the latter spending an awful lot of time trapped in arboreal settings. I went down to the Humane Society the other day, and looked at the adoption prices: dogs were $225, and cats were between $90 and $150. That’s money I can spend on other things, unfortunately.
And what about vet bills? Food? Grooming? Removal of unnecessary sexual organs? I’m beginning to wish money grew on tress, alongside cats and dogs!
EFFORT — I spend most of the day at work, go to the gym most evenings, spend time away from home on weekends. With a cat, it isn’t too much of a problem…though from the experience of my friends James and Erin, their cat Gus gets rather squirrely if they’re away from home for a long time.
I’m more of a dog person, which makes the situation worse: either I get a stupid dog, who will simply doze all day, and be an untrainable pee-and-poo-on-the-floor sort, or I get an intelligent mutt that will go mental if left alone for long periods of time…resulting in pee-and-poo-on-the-floor anxiety.
Then there’s the shedding. I own more than enough lint brushes. I hate lint. I hate hair. I don’t live in squalor, and my own odd hair on the bathroom floor is hard enough to cope with…do I need or want more of it? Do I want to change litter? Eeek!
As for walking a dog…well, that’s not terrible. Unless you don’t have the time…or you hate wandering around with a plastic bag, scooping up dog poo.
ALLERGIES — So far, I seem to be OK around dogs. Cats, on the other hand, have made me a new customer of the pharmaceutical industry. Since 2 out of every 3 people I know owns a cat, I have been forced to become a slave to Claritin. I don’t like it…it leaves me dried out like the Gobi desert…and because it’s a stimulant, it turns me into a quivering, non-sleeping idiot. Fate is a cruel bitch ? the only pet I could have, and leave at home during long work days without worry (cats!), is the one animal that will cause one eye to go bloodshot, while the other tears up to Bangladesh flood levels. As for the hives….well, they’re few and far between. Best to keep it that way.
It’s all a great pity. I love soft, furry animals (especially dogs), and I live alone, so pet companionship would be nice. Unless someone can solve my problems with these long time human companions, I am out of luck.
Maybe I could get a tribble…? 
