Every morning, after my shower and shave, I listen to CBC Radio One’s The Business Network. It comes on at 5:45am, ususally as I’m making my bed and getting dressed.
Although I have a blind spot to economics (how dull, tedious and boring!), The Business Network is a show that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and loves to throw in ridiculous and funny happenings in the crazy world of business.
Today was no exception
This morning, as I was putting on my socks, the last report on the Business Digest section of the program informed me that Starbucks is planning another massive American expansion. This expansion is a direct result of the discovery that a distance of more than two blocks is TOO FAR AWAY for the average American to travel! Therefore, it would seem that Starbucks is making it policy to place a store at two block intervals.
According to a company spokesman (and I’m paraphrasing this), Americans don’t walk…they drive. And if it’s more than two blocks, they won’t go.
Thank you for your honesty, Starbucks. Most of us knew that, on average, the American population is the fattest, laziest-sack-of-crap group of people on the planet. How nice of a company to not only admit that fact, but pander to it, and take advantage of it as well. It gives me comfort, this confirmation of my cynical view of the world.
But let’s not be complacent or smug. Once the American expansion is done, they’ll be after us: we fatty/lazy, inert Canadians aren’t much better (that’s right…Participaction is dead! We’re just as much fatty, fatty two by fours…#2 in the world), and ripe for conquest.
You’ve been warned. 
