Written by Oliver Stone and Christopher Kyle and Laeta Kaolgridis
Directed by Oliver Stone
“Alexander used to say that we are most alone when we are with the myths.”
I’ve FINALLY had the chance to see Alexander, renting the original version last night from the video store (as opposed to the revised version, made to appease red state viewers).
Having sat through the movie, I’ve come to two conclusions:
1—This was NOT worth the wait!
2—Oliver Stone needs to stop making movies NOW!
This movie was total crap — excrement of the first order! From beginning to end, the only word I can use is amateur: everything seemed to be the result of an over-the-top film student, who found himself with a massive budget and wasn’t sure what to do with it. Alexander is nothing more than a collection of dull, boring scenes, filmed hapahazardly and without any ambition or scope.
Overall, the acting was hideous, and it fell into two distinct camps:
First, we had everyone who was miscast: Colin Firth, Angelina Jolie & Val Kilmer as the Macedonian ruling family. They were completely out of their depth — even with a better script, the kind of mythic, heightened reality of the story is just too much for their middle-brow, Hollywood style.
Secondly, we had really good actors in cliched roles, such as Anthony Hopkins, Brian Blessed and Christopher Plummer. Little screen time, spent performing roles that offered nothing but wise and loud old men. Nothing to allow them to shine as they usually do on film and television. They were the dictionary definition of caricatures.
From there, we have a script that is horribly configured in its flashback/flash forward timeline…accompanined by movie-length voice over/narration that would only make X-Files creator Chris Carter happy. Voice over is the death of drama, with rare exceptions.
Finally, we have direction and cinematography that looks like a cheap student film. The first half, especially, is APPALLING in how cheap and simplistic it looks. In fact, the only moments of true grandeur in the entire picture are the entry into Babylon, and the march through the Hindu Kush. Otherwise, this movie veers between bland visuals, acid trip nightmares that don’t make sense (what the HELL was the pink shaded battle of Hydaspes all about?!?), and flat, so-cheap-it-could-be-video scenes.
Alexander was a waste of time to make, and a waste of time to watch. Thank god my plans to see this movie in the threatre fell through. For once, fate didn’t bitch slap me…it rescued me from being trapped in a dark cinema for 3 hours watching THIS travesty!
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