1—How does one lose 5 pounds by sitting?
Easy! Last night was my school’s graduation ceremony…which involved me getting dressed up in a long black robe made from that insidious death material, polyester! Combined with a shirt and tie, a large MA hood, and a full gym, the resulting 33C temperature was enough to give new meaning to the phrase slim fast.
2—It’s Oktoberfrest time!
Oh joy…
No one has ever explained to me why I, a good Polish boy, need a German celebration as an excuse to drink copious amounts of beer, and eat inferior sausage…for an entire week! I’m certain that I can find many alternative ways of amusing myself over the Thanksgiving weekend. Catching up on sleep comes to mind…eating superior POLISH sausage is another…
3—There has been a credible threat made against the New York subway
Isn’t it curious that whenever George W. Bush’s popularity is in the toilet, or when one of his agent-of-darkness flunkies (in this case, the dark master himself, Karl Rove) is in trouble, there’s suddenly a new terrorist alert to take our minds off the mundane realities of life? These orange alerts come at such regular intervals…so often that I’m tempted to try and squeeze juice out of them!
Oh, and Mayor Michael Bloomberg so graciously informed the world that he’s going to ride the subway as an non-panicking example to his fellow New Yorkers. Spare me! The jet-setting millionaire mayor who condescendingly offers to ride the subway, side by side with people he’d never associate with…who does he think he is? Ken Livingstone?
It’s always nice when the rich people offer to share the burdens of the common people. Now excuse me while I vomit…
