Today is the day of my mom’s full body CAT scan — we shall find out just how much lymphoma she has…
I hope to hell it’s the Stage 1 we think it is.
Otherwise, I keep trying to go through the motions of my life with as much positive energy as I can muster…but I’ll be frank…it isn’t working that well.
One casualty of this is my ranting about the Federal Election. As of this moment, I don’t care about it. I won’t talk about it, comment about, or frankly give a flying f*ck about it until it’s all over.
I can’t muster any interest in it. My entire life feels as if it’s on hold at the moment. Maybe I’ll feel differently when my mom starts her treatment. Until then, all else is irrelevant to me. At this point, I don’t even care if that bigoted son-of-a-bitch Harper wins the Prime Minister-ship. Maybe I’ll just push off forever to the UK and forget all about it. Maybe I’ll move to Alberta and run for the provincial Liberal leadership…
…and maybe I’ll have the moon on a stick.
I know I sound ranty. Sleep will help. Good news on the cancer front will help even more. For now…very little is helping. My friend Greg has offered some indirect Buddhist advice on this matter…about not controlling the outcome, but one’s reaction to an event…
I want to control the event! Screw my reaction! My mother walks around praying to God not to take her because she still has her children and she wants to see grandchildren…and I don’t want to sit idly by and watch her suffer this way. That way might lay madness…but I’d gladly suffer it on her behalf if she didn’t have to go through it herself.
I can’t even listen to the Doctor Who theme CD I have without feeling sad. God, I’m tired of this year…and it’s only three days old…
