Here are three reasons WHY I will never watch — in a cinema, or on DVD — Pirates of the Caribbean-Dead Man’s Chest.
First of all…I can’t comprehend the “Johnny Depp” THING.
Everyone heaps praise on him. Everyone tells me he’s brilliant. Everyone tells me he’s funny…terrifying…sympathetic…and compelling. I’ve had students who have created cults around him, dating back to his 21 Jump Street beginnings!
I’m sorry, but to me, he’s simply the strange man who holds the record of playing the most consecutive array of strange characters ever accepted by a movie-going public. The zeitgeist around him reminds me of all those people who try to convince me that Seinfeld was a brilliant show…when I can’t possibly accept that on any logical or emotional grounds.
So, let me paraphrase my Seinfeld summation in regards to Johnny Depp: he may be brilliant…but I can’t stand him!
Secondly: pirates.
Pirates, you say? Avast! Shiver me timbers! Hoist the whatever-that-is!
DEAR GOD! Not my thing…never WILL be my thing. I’m surprised ABBA isn’t doing the soundtrack!
Finally…in regards to the actual Pirates of the Caribbean…
I rode the ride at Disney World in Florida, when I was 15 years old. Back in January of 1990, I was unimpressed. I remain unimpressed today. All this effort to validate a half-baked, senior-citizen-paced boat trip at Magic Kingdom? Why should I see the movie when I experienced the ride? Afterwards, all I could think was, “Get me to Space Mountain PRONTO!”
So…to the general public out there…GO see Pirates of the Caribbean 2, if you must…but I’ll stick with Superman Returns. In fact, I just did for the fifth time… 
