If you live in Ontario, Quebec, and the Maritimes, and are reading this…have you looked outside lately?
It’s green. The grass is greener than it was the previous March…the sun is shining brightly…and the temperature is anywhere from 5 to 10 degrees celsius. People are walking around town without hats, scarves, and gloves…and squirrels are running around, eating to their hearts’ content, with bemused expressions on their faces.
Now look at the date at the top of this entry…it’s JANUARY!
Where is winter? After the warmest, greenest December in quite a few years, January has arrived with more of the same…sunshine, balmy temperatures…
…and it’s BLOODY WRONG!
I hate winter as much as the next person…but this is NOT RIGHT! I should be getting calls from my parents, begging me to come home and shovel the driveway. I should be smiling at the performance of the new tires I put on my car way back in November, thinking they’d be well into their element by now. I should be wearing my 15ft long Doctor Who scarf, not as a costume piece, but as protection against the icy wrath of Canada in January.
Except that wrath seems to have moved on to other places. Have you seen Denver and the American mid-west lately? Three snowstorms in a row, and enough snow to sweep cars off the road in a deadly avalanche. Have you seen B.C. lately? Windstorms that have destroyed everything from the trees of Stanley Park to the roof of BC Place…and RAIN…enough rain to keep Noah in the ark building business!
Meanwhile, Southern Ontario, Southern Quebec, and Atlantic Canada are basking in weather that is simply unnatural. We’re stuck in a time loop dating back to March/April of 2005! Round and round, without end…
Global warming? Some freak side-effect of El Nino? I don’t care…it’s THROWING ME RIGHT OFF!
I should be bundled up! I should have the heat on high! I should be muttering as I clean my car of snow for the twentieth time…
…instead, the heat is off, my windows are open to let in the fresh air, and plants are threatening to start growing…in JANUARY!
To hell with war in the Middle East…perhaps THIS is a sign that the end times are near. It doesn’t get more apocalyptic than a January in Canada WITHOUT snow!
Now, watch as fate bitch slaps me and dumps a mountain of snow on us by the end of the week…
