It’s all Dan Brown’s fault. Dan Brown and his damn Da Vinci Code!
I was going to sit down and write my review of yesterday’s stunning episode of Battlestar Galactica…but Jesus demands my attention.
Actually, Jesus’ bones demand my attention…
His bones you say?
Surely he managed that hat trick of death/resurrection/ascension…which means there shouldn’t be ANY bones of Jesus kicking around this plane of existence…
Oh…that’s right…he was buried with his family…lost until 1980!
In other words…WHAT THE HELL?
In a post-Da Vinci Code world, the quest of conspiracy fruit cake nimrods to further investigate ANYTHING that might revise what we know about Christianity (semi-divine pocket fluff included) has taken on ludicrous proportions. The latest entry in this sad saga is a forthcoming Discovery Channel documentary that claims to have discovered the bones of Jesus, his wife Mary Magdalene, and members of their extended family.
EXCUSE ME while I laugh/scream/laugh!
You can read all about it on the CBC and CNN websites, but sufficie to say, the filmakers intend to run DNA tests to back up their theory about the bones discovered inside the ancient limestone ossuaries in their possession…
…which begs the question…to what are you going to COMPARE these DNA samples? Does the Vatican have a secret vault, containing test tubes with blood samples of each of the apostles?
I wonder if they’re labelled in Latin…?
Perhaps they intend to sample the Shroud of Turin, and try to make their case using the controversial image on that ancient cloth…?
Perhaps these people HAVE COMPLETELY LOST THEIR MINDS!
I shall leave you with the following four thoughts…the only ones I can offer as this religious circus powers into high gear:
(1) At the rate these discoveries are proceeding, the next item to be unearthered will be the TOE NAILS of Jesus! Worship that holy foot fungus…
(2) My best-friend’s-girlfriend’s-cousin’s-former-house-mate tells me that Jesus is alive and well and shacked up in a trailer in Arkansas…and on the phone to George W. Bush twice a week…
(3) All of this is crap…after all…as everyone knows…I’M JESUS!!!! (he shouts, wrapped in straight jacket, channeling Jim Carey’s final scene in “Batman Forever”…)
(4) James Cameron, executive producer of this documentary, is one EXTREMELY BORED individual. There really ISN’T anywhere to go but down after you film Titanic…
We are such a sad & pathetic race. 
I bet whales don’t suffer this much religious angst…
