I had an inkling to blog about the unbelievable Quebec election results — the first minority government in over a century, the Parti Quebecois reduced to its worst showing in over three decades — but this is my blog, and I’ve changed my mind…
I’m going to talk about my pain…
…a pain inflicted by loved ones…
…a pain called…LAUGHTER!
This isn’t any ordinary pain. This is pain drawn from the maw of hell. This is deep-tissue-back-shredding-steel-rod-up-the-spine-sweet-baby-Jesus-SAVE-ME-pain!
This is the sort of pain the ENEMIES of Satan wish upon the dark prince. This is the sort of pain that makes pain-specialists weep with joy, like little girls watching bad chick-flicks…
Yes…the pain of LAUGHTER! Let me explain…because TWO parties deserve the blame…
Over the last two days, a friend of mine has been giving me a crash-course-introduction to the Cartoon Network series The Venture Brothers. Think of it as a twisted, memory-raping, ingeniously-witty version of Johnny Quest…with a few other terrifying Hanna-Barbera visions thrown in for good measure.
There is no way to describe the laughter that was forcibly pulled out of my body. This was laughter that caused furniture to collapse, walls to shake, and made me utter sounds that I didn’t think a human being was CAPABLE of producing outside of an electronic studio!
In short, I was in heaven. Five minutes later, I was in agony from back spasms and (I’m convinced of this) hypoxia!
I thought the pain had subsided this morning…I thought I was fine.
HA, I say! HA!
Then I went to work, and watched as my senior history students subjected me to some of the most hilarious videos I have ever seen! You don’t think you can combine Ferdinand Magellan with cross-dressing, llamas, confused dogs & pop guns? GUESS AGAIN!
Two hours after the laughter (the cackling, tear-shedding WAILING) subsided, I got up out of a chair…and the left side of my back rebelled!
So here I sit, typing this out, post-bath…post-emergency back rub…covered in layers of Deep Cold, and thanking all the higher powers of the universe for the creation of Advil LIQUID GELS!
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the two parties responsible for the sheer, unadulterated JOY that has put me in this condition:
To my young padawan (and you KNOW who you are, you magnificently EVIL BASTARD)…I love you like family…but…I SHALL BE AVENGED!
To my senior history class…if I’m half-bent over tomorrow…you only have YOURSELVES TO BLAME.
YOU BROKE ME! I have taught you all well…take a bow. 
