Screenplay by Sam Raimi & Ivan Raimi and Alvin Sargent
Screen Story by Sam Raimi & Ivan Raimi
Directed by Sam Raimi
“Spidey, love the new outfit! Give me some of that web action…”
“MEH”, I say to Spiderman 3. “MEH” for many, many reasons…but here are the ones that stick in my head:
“MEH” because it has an excellent opening 25 minutes, with some real emotion, sweetness, and bits of creepiness…which is squandered as all the elements of this over-stocked film begin to play out.
“MEH” because it manages to create a nice origin story for the Sandman (a low key but well played Thomas Hayden Church)…only to see him virtually disappear from about a third of the movie…and resurrect in a finale in which he is virtually irrelevant! Why did they even bother with him in the first place?
“MEH” because there is simply TOO MUCH STUFF in this film. More bloody Harry Osborne? Gwen Stacey as a disposable plot contrivance? The Sandman coming-and-going? And, the worst crime of all: shoe-horning Venom — the most popular and powerful villain in the Spiderman canon — into the last 20 minutes of the film when he DESERVES a film all to himself! Aside from that disappointment, the less said about the convenient (almost hokey) meteorite landing of the black-goo symbiote, the better…especially since Topher Grace being NOTHING like the Eddie Brock of the comics is a much BIGGER complaint!
“MEH” to the action sequences…with the exception of the vicious fight between Harry and Dark-Peter in the mansion, this movie was seriously lacking in thrills. All the fights and action sequences — especially the finale at the construction site — were criminally dull. It would have been better if (1) Harry’s coming-to-the-rescue and death weren’t sign-posted with a BIG WHITE ARROW; and (2) the message in Venom’s web had been something much more deliciously twisted, such as “Some Pig”.
And above all…“MEH” to the utterly preposterous and ridiculous Dark-Peter-dancing sequences! These are, without a doubt, the most eye-bleeding sequences of the entire film…and they seriously damage the otherwise dark-and-hurtful scene with Gwen and Mary-Jane at the jazz club. What in the name of hell was Sam Raimi thinking?
If it wasn’t for Rosemary Harris as Aunt May, and J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson — by far the best actors in the entire film — Spiderman 3 would be an extremely disappointing waste of time. It’s a bloated, slow, unbalanced film…and its few wonderful characteristics are swamped by the undesirable elements. This is like swimming through a cess-pool to look for a diamond: it’s barely worth the effort.
And I thought I was hard on Spiderman 2…sheesh!
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