Written by Alfred Gough & Miles Millar
Directed by Rob Cohen
“You guys are like mummy magnets!”
Hmm…well…that was…almost a waste of time. Almost…
The original Mummy was a superb, fabulous, exquisite distilliation of everything that was good about both the 1930s Universal horror films AND the 1930s serial B-movie adventures. Those two genres collided into something exceptionally funny, exceptionally exciting, and overall…VERY thrilling.
This third Mummy film has next to none of this magic. The film is robotic — it moves on autopilot; aside from the rather well executed action scenes, everything else in between is pedestrian at best, and stale at worst. The family dynamic of the O’Connells? BORING! The villainy of the Mummy Emperor? DULL! Backstory & motivation? CARDBOARD (to say nothing of slightly ripped off plot points from Indiana Jones 4)! Romantic chemistry between the leads? NON-EXISTENT! In fact, the opening preamble in ancient China SHOULD have been the movie. It demonstrated more epic & romantic quality in 10 minutes than the rest of the 100 minutes that followed. It was like getting a taste of The Last Emperor…then dropping down to the level of Scooby-Doo!
Jet Li didn’t have to be in this movie. It’s a part that could have been phoned in from across the world! As for the great Michelle Yeoh, she is completely and utterly wasted. Maria Bello commits a greater crime: she takes over the role of Evelyn from Rachel Weiz, manages to acquit herself decently enough…yet remains completely forgettable once the film is over.
Only Brendan Fraser and John Hannah remain, in any way, entertaining & vital. They’re the only ones with chemistry, and it’s a joy to watch the resurrection of their double act. Otherwise, everyone else is paper-thin. We’re talking BIBLICALLY-THIN paper (I’m looking at you, Luke Ford!!!). The CGI yeti (oh yes, of course there are CGI yeti) had more character!
The most enjoyable aspect of watching this emminently disposable film were the reactions of the two little boys sitting behind us. They were laughing and screaming in all the right places. They had a blast, and listening to them watching the film was more enjoyable than actually watching the film myself! For that alone, I’ll give it a…
4
