On this chilly, crisp, moody autumn night, I pause in my melancholy to be thankful.
I’m thankful that my sister’s baby is nearly due…17 days to B-Day. She has been plagued by pain from a nagging cold, separated ribs, and the fears of H1N1. The relief when my soon-to-be niece arrives will be palpable, in so many ways.
I’m thankful that my sister’s husband is coming home early from the wretched scrublands of Northern Alberta, where work has taken him. All of us will be happier that he is home to bear the brunt of my sister’s irritation…and to massage her physical and spiritual aches & pains.
I’m thankful my family managed to get the H1N1 shot before the multitudes overwhelmed our poorly-prepared public health system. My innocent, defenceless, soon-to-be niece would probably agree…if she wasn’t so busy mugging for the ultrasound camera. ;-)
I’m thankful that today was my mother’s last chemotherapy session, after two hellish years. I would be more thankful if I could be assured it was the last chemotherapy session she will ever have to suffer through. I hope it is. I wish my father was here, to share the end of this journey, which took us all through the fires of perdition…
I’m thankful for ten years of teaching (going on 11), and seeing old students at graduation. Looking that their shining faces, their happiness, their success…makes me believe that I might have actually contributed something to this world. There are days when I doubt this…but on days such as graduation, I know those doubts are unfounded.
I’m thankful I’m still here. There are days when I pine for the old me…the one that ceased to exist when my father died. The one that faded into the mist when my parents’ suffering consumed endlessly dark days and nights. The sun still beats down on a not-quite-the-same me…but it’s a me I’m still happy to have around. I hope my new niece will agree with this conclusion…
