A collection of items, overheard in the last 24 hours, that made me reach for the nearest bottle of Advil…
(1) FINED FOR MISUSING A…BUS STOP BENCH?!?
It would seem the police in Montreal roughed-up and fined a women for…not sitting properly on a bench…at a bus stop.
I once leaned against a brick wall with overt non-chalance, but that’s beside the point.
Of course, if you read the article, you might come to the radical conclusion that she was roughed-up and fined for being of Palestinian descent, by a pair of urban street thugs masquerading as cops.
But that would never happen here…would it?
Suffice to say, be warned: sitting improperly on a bench at a bus stop in Montreal will apparently net you a fine of $480 and a smackdown on the side.
(2) DEAR MR. KARZAI…GO AND GET STUFFED!
Afghanistan’s President, Hamid Karzai, twice threatened to quit politics and join the Taliban if the West continued to pressure him to enact reforms, according to Afghan legislators.
Dear Mr. President, as a citizen of a nation that has spilled blood in order to keep your country intact, here is my response:
“Well, goodbye and good luck, you smug pretender. If you don’t set fire to what is left of your nation, I’m sure you’ll appreciate working towards its eventual status as a pre-medieval backwater that treats camels and horses with more respect than women. Don’t forget to toss the internet and hot running water out the door, along with your fickle foreign allies.”
It almost makes one long for the comforting, obsequious, and predictable authoritarianism of Pinochet’s Chile.
(3) ACCORDING TO AN ADVERTISEMENT JUST BROADCAST ON MY TV…
…there are NO ARTIFICIAL COLOURS IN A BOX OF SMARTIES!
That’s right…NO ARTIFICIAL COLOURS in a box of processed candy. Which makes me assume they harvested those natural-growing Smarties flowers, somewhere in Roald-Dahl-land.
That’s about as convincing as trying to sell the concept of a nuclear power plant with the claim that “its by-products contain only naturally occuring radiation”.
Next, they’ll be offering me the moon on a stick…and promising it’s made of REAL cheese.
