(1) STOP THE BRAINWASHING!
The side effect of having a precocious, beautiful, startlingly-observant baby niece, is that one is forced to watch the daily offerings of Treehouse TV — the 24 hour toddler-and-kiddie channel. The shows themselves are…interesting (for “interesting” read bwahahahaha). Here are a few random observations regarding a selection of programs:
- 3rd AND BIRD — mix inherent British goodness with semi-cheesy stop-motion, and spice up with the persistent, whistling call of “MUFFIN“…and the end result causes a 6 month old to wet herself with happiness…and her uncle to go cross-eyed!
TIMMY TIME — from the people who brought you Shaun the Sheep…the theme tune is catchy, every animal speaks in animal voices, and it becomes as ridiculously addictive as crack cocaine! Think of Wallace & Grommit, transformed into a children’s barnyard soap opera, using far too much recreational pharmacology for adults to resist…
4 SQUARE — This is the official description of the show: 4 Square is an interactive show that allows preschoolers to explore four separate art forms: song, rhythm, poetry and dance…but in reality, it’s 4 cultists, dressed in orange & blue spandex and silk, using deviant-looking puppets to assist them in their musical assimilation of our youth, while at the same time, repelling all adults to who try to stop them; needless to say, my little niece is entranced…while my sister and I just moan in pain!
THE WONDER PETS — both operatic AND demonic in every single way! Mozart himself would be driven to insanity by this music mad collection of fake-fur-fauna! Be afraid! Especially when one’s grown up sister can sing the theme tune from memory…a sure sign of the end times…
All of this is DEADLY to a man such as myself, who has had an exhausting week as is unable to adequately fight back. If YOU are ever ensnared by these TV shows, seek medical help immediately!
(2) GOLDEN GIRL RUE McCLANAHAN DIES AT 76
Sex-crazed Blanche Devereaux of The Golden Girls was brought brilliantly to life for seven years by this wonderful actress. She formed a key ingredient to the amazing foursome that anchored not only one of the greatest sitcoms of the 1980s (hell, one of the greatest sitcoms EVER), but a show that my entire family watched together every Saturday night as I grew up…and now, only the aging comic goddess Betty White remains from this magnificent line up.
On a melancholy, stormy day, I witness another piece of my childhood fade into the misty & distant realm of memory. Thirty-six years of age suddenly feels very ancient and brittle…but to combat this feeling, here’s a tribute to The Golden Girls’ man-eater supreme, Blanche…
